Archive for the ‘meaning’ Tag


Have you ever played tic-tac-toe? Of course you have, but you don’t anymore. Why? Because it is a boring game and it always results in a tie. The game itself is pointless and there is no way to win…

No sh*t it's a tie

That my friends is the definition of futility. Ok, it’s not the dictionary definition of the word, but you get where I am going with this analogy.

One of my greatest strengths, and perhaps as I am starting to learn, one of greatest weaknesses, is my perseverance. I used to think of this as my ability to see the light at the end of every dark tunnel, to maintain hope when there often is none and to fight til the bitter end if the cause was worthy.

This has helped me get through some difficult times in my life. Quite recently I had been faced with a heartbreaking loss. A loss from which, I thought I would never recover, but I stubbornly kept fighting. My heart was in the fight and true to form, I carried on when others would have given up and thrown in the towel, and it seemed, for at least a short time my perseverance served me well.

Now once again I am faced with the very same scenario. My instincts and my heart tell me to fight and stand tall but my mind has started to grow wary. I am now starting to wonder if I am just too stubborn to see that life itself has thrown the ultimate game of tic-tac-toe at my feet.

The game that can never be won.


Diary of a Hitman

Well… Here I am.. Enter the Hitman or as is so often cliched, Hell has frozen over. Well, not really, I mean according to Dante, the 9th circle of Hell is already a  frozen lake, so I suppose in some ways the expression “Hell has frozen over” is redundant.. Anyway, getting back on topic. The purpose of my inaugural blog entry is not meant to be a critique of Dante, nor are any subsequent entries, so if you were looking for reviews and discussions of classic literature, I am sorry I misled you and just wasted a minute or two of your life. Ok, if it took you longer than two minutes to read this introductory paragraph, I don’t apologize, you have other issues.

Welcome to my blog.

Where was I? Oh… The purpose of my inaugural blog of course. I suppose I feel obligated to introduce myself to you, my yet to be defined or currently non-existent audience. Actually, you know what, I changed my mind. I don’t see much of a point introducing myself in this first entry when wordpress conveniently comes with a profile of the blog author. Just read that if you want to know about me. I must warn you though, I am really not that exciting, I swear.

Aside from the dry and sarcastic sense of humor I will force upon you, I suppose I do have much I need to let out, or else I wouldn’t be here right? You’d think writing would come easy to me, I mean I have a Master’s Degree in History, which for your non-academic types, meant a good 50 pages of writing per graduate class. And although I do a considerable amount of journalistic style writing in my day to day career, I’ve never dabbled into creative writing or expressive thought, so in many ways this is new to me. With that being said, I have a lot in my heart, and in my soul that I need to let out, and I figured a blog would be the best outlet for this. So by now I can only assume after reading this paragraph, the last of you who were trying to get through this, just zoned out. I promise it will get better. Actually I take that back, I can’t promise that. Hell (frozen over), it will probably get a lot worse.

What’s that, you ask? What does the title of my blog mean? I am going to pretend someone just asked that question, just humor me ok? Truth be told, I am not really sure. Since my days of commodore 64 bbs’ing in the late 80’s, I have always used the name “Hitman.” I suppose if I had to pin down the actual origin of the name, I always thought Bret “The Hitman” Hart had a cool nickname, so if I am going to give anyone credit for my moniker, it will be him.

Bret "The Hitman" Hart

Bret "The Hitman" Hart

By the way, I met Bret Hart once, but I suppose that is a story for another time.  You know, on a total side note, I am proud that I was able to link that picture in the first try. So anyway, the name “Hitman.” No, I’m not a real hitman, I don’t watch mafia movies, I don’t even own a gun and I am not even a violent guy. Stop asking me about the name, ok? It’s just name, stop judging me.

So there it is… My first entry.  More to come..