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Understanding..

It is so difficult to be understanding when one does not know what one is supposed to be understanding in the first place.

The Hardest Words

Are there any harder words in the English language to say and truly mean than “I’m sorry?”

In the same vein, I would imagine these  words cause more remorse or regret for not having been said than any others. I know for me they have.

If I may, I would like to impart a little bit of wisdom on my readers now. If there is someone close to you or someone you love that you need to say you are sorry to.

Do it…

You never know… You may never get that chance again.

 

 

I’m sorry.

My Best Friend

Those of you who know me or rather those of you who know me well, will attest to the fact that I am not the easiest person to get close to or to love.  I am very guarded emotionally and it took me quite a long time to realize that I’ve kept up an emotional wall or barrier pretty much my entire adult life. I wouldn’t let anyone in close enough to care about me and in turn I wouldn’t allow myself to care deeply about others.

Sure I have plenty of friends and of course I care about most of them. Ugh, that didn’t come out right, oh heck with it, you know what I am trying to say. Anyway, I am hardly some strange anti-social recluse with the inability to emotionally interact with other people. I was just not what one would describe as emotionally available.

That is until I met my best friend…

Life is full of turning points. The day I started elementary school, the day I graduated from high school, the day I started my career and the day my son was born all rank up there as the most significant turning points in my life. As paramount as each of those events was to shaping who I am as a person, none actually altered my personality. While my academic and career milestones had molded the inevitable intellectual and financial course of my life, and having my son awoken me to the concept of unconditional love, it was the meeting of the lady who would become my best friend that changed me forever.

I’ll always remember the day I met my best friend. It was at an innocent round of trivia on warm October evening. While trivia was my game, it wasn’t necessarily hers, but it didn’t matter. I don’t think I had as much fun playing a round of trivia as I did that night. It didn’t matter where we placed overall, it was the instant chemistry of our two person team that mattered. I don’t think I ever laughed more than I did that night. I never wanted that game to end. Thankfully for me, it didn’t. We slowly bonded after our initial meeting and our time together became more and more frequent.

In turn, the laughter and the fun only increased between us and it wasn’t just the times out, drinking the night away at the local pub, or sharing our tastes of the best Baltimore’s finest culinary establishments had to offer. It was the down time, the time alone, people watching, playing a game or watching television together. Being with my best friend taught me how to open up, how to laugh, how to care for someone else and most importantly how to be cared for by them.

I am a better person for having had her in my life. She taught me me so much about myself and showed me so many things I needed to learn about life in general. If I could see her now, I would tell her “thank you, thank you for being the wonderful person you are.”

It was not chance that my best friend came into my life. Something as special and magical as the relationship we shared together was no mere cosmic coincidence.  It happened for a reason and I don’t think I know that entire reason just yet but I have a feeling it was more than just helping me to become emotionally available.

Although my best friend has since gone away, she will always be a part of me and I will always be a part of her. I will never forget her.

Happy St Patrick’s Day

Here’s to a long life and a merry one.

A quick death and an easy one

A pretty girl and an honest one

A cold beer – and another one!

March Madness

As I am sitting here watching some of the first round (or is it called the second round now?) of the NCAA tournament, soaking in the spectacle that is March Madness, I came up with a crazy idea.

What if everything and everyone in life had seedings? Ok, I have no idea where I am going with this.

It’s a crazy idea sure, but a bad idea for a blog.

I need a beer.

Tic-Tac-Toe

Have you ever played tic-tac-toe? Of course you have, but you don’t anymore. Why? Because it is a boring game and it always results in a tie. The game itself is pointless and there is no way to win…

No sh*t it's a tie


That my friends is the definition of futility. Ok, it’s not the dictionary definition of the word, but you get where I am going with this analogy.

One of my greatest strengths, and perhaps as I am starting to learn, one of greatest weaknesses, is my perseverance. I used to think of this as my ability to see the light at the end of every dark tunnel, to maintain hope when there often is none and to fight til the bitter end if the cause was worthy.

This has helped me get through some difficult times in my life. Quite recently I had been faced with a heartbreaking loss. A loss from which, I thought I would never recover, but I stubbornly kept fighting. My heart was in the fight and true to form, I carried on when others would have given up and thrown in the towel, and it seemed, for at least a short time my perseverance served me well.

Now once again I am faced with the very same scenario. My instincts and my heart tell me to fight and stand tall but my mind has started to grow wary. I am now starting to wonder if I am just too stubborn to see that life itself has thrown the ultimate game of tic-tac-toe at my feet.

The game that can never be won.