I Never Get to See the Good Stuff!!!

It’s true… Never, ever in my life have I gotten a glimpse of some of the greatest spectacles our magnificent planet (and sometimes beyond) has to offer. Trust me, its not because I haven’t tried. I’ve searched, looked and hoped my entire life that I would be as lucky to be witness such splendor.

I must say it’s unfortunate, because I’ve watched numerous documentaries and read many accounts of close encounters and eyewitnesses of some of the following natural and unnatural phenomena. Am I just unlucky? Am I not trying hard enough? I dont get it, what is wrong with me?!?!

So, in most dissapointing fashion I will present to you a list of some of the greatest things Ive never seen.

1) Bigfoot.. Nope.. Never once seen him (or her.) I hear about so many people who’ve seen Bigfoot or Sasquatch, you’d figure at least once in my life I would have gotten lucky. This guy even has his own show dedicated to him on Animal Planet, and the people on that show seem to run in to him on a regular basis. It’s not fair.

2) Loch Ness Monster.. Ok, I’ve never been to Scotland, so I guess I have a plausible reason for not running into him.

3) UFOs.. At least with Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster, I would have to be somewhere specific and not easily accessible to see them, but UFOs? I could be anywhere to see one of these. Once again, never once have I seen one. Maybe I just need to pay more attention the sky at night? If you believe YouTube, the sky is literally cluttered with UFOs of all shapes and sizes, and for some damn reason that seems to elude me. I just can’t seem to find one.

4) Chupacabra.. I’ve never been to Puerto Rico, but if I have, I assure, I would never run into this guy either. Figures…

5) Ghosts.. Nope.. Another zero for me, unless you count the times as kids when we would rig things in my friends house to fall over in the middle of the night to simulate a ghost attack. Ok, you know what? I am moving this to the maybe column. If I created the ghost, it kinda counts, right?

6) The Mothman.. This guy supposedly lives in West Virginia, and although I don’t reside there myself, I have been through the state plenty of times. Enough times youd think I would have gotten a shot of him. Of course not.

7) The Jersey Devil. Generally I try to avoid the Garden State at all costs.. Talk about a flaming pile of false advertising, how can anyone call New Jersey the Garden State? Anyway, where was I? Oh, the Jersey Devil. Yeah, I haven’t seen him either. But once again, everyone else seems to have.

So there you have it.. 6 No’s and 1 Maybe.. That is not a very impressive record at all. An entire lifetime of searching and the best I’ve managed was one stinkin’ maybe. Clearly with odds so astronomically against me and my personal non-eyewitness accounts of things many others have managed to see and document, all signs seem to point to one thing..

I am clearly crazy.


10 comments so far

  1. creativenoodling on

    You left out unicorns… or is that on the yes-I’ve-seen-it list? : )

    • hitmanterp on

      True story.. I once had a close friend, who shall remain nameless, that thought Unicorns were real animals. Keep in mind this friend had an advanced medical degree.. Lol…

      • creativenoodling on

        Please tell me your friend at least thought they were extinct. : )

      • hitmanterp on


        Nope.. The funniest part of the story was that the animal my friend had mistaken for a unicorn wasnt even a horse. I think it was a goat.


  2. savanahprose on

    I have many friends who swear that the house they lived in is/was haunted. I have two problems with hauntings:
    1) Every always see them but the non-believers – you’d think if a ghost really had a message to get across they’s target a non-believer, if for no other reason than that no one will believe the already-believer anyways, but rather, write them off as nutso’s.
    2) I cannot believe that if ghosts ARE real, that they are all angry ghosts that attack people – there are many ghost shows on tv that suggest that to me. Maybe I’m wrong though – maybe all ghosts are pissed off that they can’t escape the dumbasses they were surrounded with while still alive? I don’t know.

  3. Jessica on

    You forgot the big 2! Rational women and monogamous men!

    • hitmanterp on

      Good call!! While I can’t really say I’ve been on the lookout for the latter, from personal experience I can vouch for the rarity of the first…

      • Jessica on

        I’m a non-believer so I don’t look for either. But I am completely rational in my own head!

      • hitmanterp on

        Wait.. So you dont believe you exist? 😉

      • Jessica on

        I guess not… in my more lucid moments! 🙂

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